There's a person in your life who makes charity hard.
Maybe it's a coworker who constantly undermines you. A family member who pushes every button. A friend who always seems to take more than they give. A spouse going through a season where they're just... difficult to love.
You know you're supposed to love them. You even want to — in theory. But in practice? It's one of the hardest things Christianity asks of us.
Here's the good news: the Church doesn't pretend otherwise. And some of her greatest saints struggled with the exact same thing.
Charity Is Not a Feeling
The first thing to get straight: Christian charity isn't the warm fuzzy feeling you get when relationships are easy. It's a decision — a consistent act of the will to seek the good of another person, regardless of how they make you feel.
That reframe is actually liberating. You don't have to feel generous, patient, or kind. You just have to choose it — and then ask God for the grace to follow through.
Practical application: The next time a difficult person frustrates you, pause before reacting and ask: "What does this person actually need right now?" Not what they deserve — what they need. That one shift moves you from reaction to charity.
Start With Honest Self-Knowledge
Here's an uncomfortable truth: the people who irritate us most often reveal something about us. Pride gets wounded. Insecurity gets triggered. Old wounds get poked.
Christian charity doesn't ask you to ignore that. It asks you to look at it honestly — because you can't love well from a place of self-deception.
Before you can give generously to a difficult person, it helps to understand what's actually happening inside you when they push your buttons.
Practical application: When a relationship feels especially hard, spend five minutes in honest prayer: "Lord, what is this revealing about me?" Not as self-criticism — as self-knowledge. It's the starting point of real growth.
Small Acts, Repeated Daily
Charity in difficult relationships rarely looks heroic. It looks like choosing a kind tone when a sharp one would feel satisfying. It looks like praying briefly for someone you'd rather avoid. It looks like showing up with patience — again — on a day when you're running low.
The saints called this little way thinking: sanctity built not from grand gestures but from small, faithful acts offered to God throughout the day.
Practical application: Pick one difficult relationship in your life. Choose one small act of charity this week — a kind word, a prayer, a moment of patience — and offer it intentionally to God. Just one. Then do it again next week.
Forgiveness Is Not Optional — But It Is a Process
One of the hardest dimensions of charity is forgiveness — especially when the hurt is real and the other person hasn't changed or apologized.
The Church is clear: we are called to forgive. But she's also honest that forgiveness is rarely a one-time event. It's something we return to, again and again, choosing to release resentment not because the other person deserves it but because we need to be free.
Practical application: If there's an unresolved wound in a relationship, bring it to prayer this week. You don't have to feel forgiving yet. Just tell God you're willing to begin — and ask him to do what you can't do on your own.
Learn From a Master of Charity
If you want a mentor in this kind of love — the bold, sacrificial, fiercely practical kind — look no further than St. Catherine of Siena.
Coached by Catherine of Siena: Lessons in Charity by Joan Watson brings Catherine's wisdom directly into your daily struggles. Drawing from her letters and prayers, Watson shows how Catherine's teaching on charity isn't distant or theoretical — it's a hands-on, grace-fueled path available to every ordinary Christian, no matter how weak or distracted or stuck.
Catherine doesn't ask you to be perfect. She asks you to begin. Again and again.
Difficult relationships aren't obstacles to holiness. In the hands of a God who wastes nothing, they might be the very path to it.
