Every relationship, no matter how strong, eventually faces moments that shake it. Misunderstandings, old wounds, sharp words, unmet expectations—these can leave us feeling disconnected from the people we love most. It’s tempting in those moments to assume the story is over… that what was once warm has gone cold for good.
But the Christian story insists on something radically hopeful: love can be healed. Not in a quick-fix way, not by ignoring the pain, but by letting God step into the mess with us.
That truth sits at the heart of Doug Hinderer’s compassionate book, Rekindled Hearts: A Spiritual Journey to Marital Healing. Hinderer, a licensed therapist and marriage coach, walks couples through a simple—but powerful—path: acknowledging hurt, seeking forgiveness, and slowly rebuilding trust. His message is realistic yet full of hope, reminding us that healing isn’t about going back to “how things were” but moving forward into something deeper, stronger, and more honest.
Healing Begins With Honesty
Hinderer’s approach begins in a humble place: honesty. Not the kind of honesty that points fingers, but the kind that invites vulnerability. Many of us gloss over hurt to “keep the peace,” but real peace requires truth. Naming the wound—what caused it, what it stirs in us—opens the door to healing.
And this honesty isn’t just for marriages. It matters in friendships, families, and even in our relationship with God. Jacques Philippe, in his beloved work Called to Life, reminds us that God meets us exactly where we are. We don’t have to pretend everything is fine. In fact, pretending only delays growth. When we bring our brokenness into the light, God gently begins the work of restoration.
Choosing Forgiveness (Even When It’s Hard)
Forgiveness is often misunderstood as dismissing hurt or forgetting pain. Hinderer explains that forgiveness is a decision—a repeated one—to hand over bitterness instead of letting it take root. It’s a spiritual practice, not a feeling.
But forgiving doesn’t mean tolerating harmful behavior. Healthy forgiveness includes boundaries, safety, and clarity. What it does mean is releasing the grip of resentment so healing has room to breathe.
Philippe deepens this idea by reminding us that forgiveness frees us interiorly. When we forgive, we’re not erasing history—we’re choosing to live forward rather than stay stuck.
Letting God Rebuild—Step by Step
Healing takes time. Some days it may feel like progress, and others like starting from scratch. But the promise of the gospel is that God doesn’t abandon us in the process. He works quietly, patiently, in the small choices we make: trying again, pausing before reacting, offering kindness when it’s easier to withdraw.
Hinderer encourages couples to commit to small daily acts of love—listening without interrupting, offering gratitude, sharing prayer, reaching out even when it feels awkward. Simple gestures, repeated often, are the building blocks of renewed trust.
Hope for Every Heart
Whether you’re navigating marital strain, family conflict, or personal wounds, know this: God delights in restoring what feels broken.
Books like Rekindled Hearts and Called to Life don’t offer magic solutions—they offer companionship, guidance, and grace for the journey. They remind us that love is a living thing that grows when we nurture it, even in the wake of hurt.
Wherever you find yourself today, don’t be afraid to believe in healing. God specializes in new beginnings.
