If there’s one thing we crave in our fast-moving, hyper-connected, often-isolated world, it’s friendship that lasts. Not just someone to grab coffee with or like our posts on Instagram—but the kind of friendship that stands the test of time, even through distance, difficulty, and change.
But let’s be honest: lasting friendship feels rare these days. People move, schedules tighten, priorities shift, and even good intentions can’t always hold a friendship together. What’s the secret? Is it simply shared interests, constant communication, or pure luck?
The truth is, lasting friendships aren’t built on convenience—they’re built on something deeper. And the wisdom of the Church, as well as the lives of saints and Christian thinkers, gives us a roadmap to friendships that not only endure, but also make us holier.
1. Friendship Needs a Higher Goal
One of the simplest but most forgotten truths about friendship is this: if we want it to last, it can’t be about us alone.
In The Company We Keep: True Friendship and Why It Matters, Michael Pakaluk reminds us that true friendship always points beyond itself. When friendship is rooted in the love of God and the pursuit of virtue, it has a foundation that doesn’t crumble when life changes.
Think of the difference: friendships based only on fun or convenience fade as soon as circumstances shift. But friendships grounded in the desire to help each other become saints? Those stand firm, because they’re built on eternity.
Ask yourself: Am I leading my friends closer to Christ? Are they helping me grow in holiness? If the answer is yes, you’ve found the kind of friendship that can withstand anything.
2. True Friends Tell the Truth
If we’re honest, many of us avoid difficult conversations in friendship. We don’t want to upset someone or risk conflict. But as Francisco Ugarte points out in Deep Friendship, authentic friendship isn’t afraid of truth.
A real friend doesn’t just affirm us when we’re right—they love us enough to challenge us when we’re drifting. That might mean pointing out when we’re gossiping, warning us when we’re making a poor decision, or simply encouraging us to take prayer more seriously.
This isn’t about being judgmental. It’s about loving someone enough to want the best for their soul. And when both friends commit to this kind of honesty, the bond deepens instead of breaking.
3. Friendship Requires Investment
In a world of instant messaging, it’s easy to assume friendship should just be effortless. But as Henry Menzies notes in What Ever Happened to Friendship?, real friendship takes time, consistency, and sacrifice.
That doesn’t mean you have to be with your friends 24/7. It means you choose to show up—whether that’s a phone call to check in, dropping off a meal when they’re sick, or making space in your calendar even when life feels full.
Small acts of presence build trust. They send the message: I value you enough to make you a priority.
If your friendships feel shallow or fleeting, ask yourself: Where can I be more intentional? Where can I give instead of waiting to receive?
4. Friendship With Christ Is the Anchor
Even the best earthly friendships can disappoint us at times. That’s why the saints remind us that our truest and most reliable friend is always Christ Himself.
In Jesus as Friend, Salvador Canals beautifully reflects on what it means to actually live out friendship with Jesus. He is the friend who never leaves, who knows us fully, and who calls us higher without condemning us.
When our human friendships are rooted in that divine friendship, they become stronger and more enduring. Why? Because the closer we each move toward Christ, the closer we inevitably move toward one another.
Think of the saints like St. Augustine and St. Monica, or St. Francis de Sales and St. Jane de Chantal. Their friendships weren’t perfect, but they were anchored in something that never fails—the love of God.
Practical Takeaways
If you want friendships that last, start here:
-
Pray for your friends. Bring them before God regularly. This is the deepest act of love you can offer.
-
Be intentional. Don’t wait for convenience—schedule the call, send the text, make the visit.
-
Pursue virtue together. Read a spiritual book, commit to accountability, or share what God is teaching you.
-
Anchor it all in Christ. Remember that no friendship is deeper than the one you have with Jesus, and the more you draw close to Him, the more your other friendships will thrive.
Friendship is one of the great joys of life. And when it’s rooted in Christ, it becomes more than just joy—it becomes a pathway to holiness.
If you’re longing for friendships that truly last, these books can help you see what they look like in practice and how to cultivate them:
- The Company We Keep by Michael Pakaluk (preorder)
- Deep Friendship by Francisco Ugarte
- What Ever Happened to Friendship? by Henry Menzies
- Jesus as Friend by Salvador Canals
Friendship isn’t just about having someone to laugh with—it’s about walking together toward heaven. And that’s the kind of friendship worth fighting for.
